#ESPECIALLY if you know the person has a mental illness
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atangledfate · 3 days ago
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The mouse was glad that the man let it go, as she didn't wish to get Altriss involved. She knew how rough around the edges the old Doc was, and how straight forward he could be. The last thing she wanted to do was get him involved, especially with how hectic everything was. She wasn't sure why the Lemur requested no one be let in to see her, but they would honor it even if it was making the Mouse uncomfortable.
With things back to normal the facility was as busy as ever, with the various nurses going about there duties. Though Dawn herself would be happy when this chaos was over and she could rest. Holding this many clones for so long wasn't easy but, it wouldn't be the first time she'd had to do it. Of course just when she thought the menace as over she was startled by the female Lemur.
The Clone opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by the head nurse, or in this case the original Dawn. She hoped a person of authority would put Miss Grimrose in her place and quell the situation but--- she had a feeling she'd be a problem.
" Hello Miss Grimrose, I am Head Nurse Dawn of Restoration Medical Staff. As you can clearly see the attack on Restoration has taken a heavy toll on its staff. Between the crash, and GUN at our doorstep we are in a state of high alert--- As such i am sorry but none one is allowed in without clearance by either a commanding officer or the doctor himself. "
She took a deep breath and gave the elder woman a stern stare down as she felt like this woman was going to be a problem.
" You are within your right to file grievance, though suing restoration would be a bad look for any firm don't you think? Your daughter will be out of our care in next 32 hours... 24 hours if she takes to her treatment. I'm happy to answer any questions concerning her condition to you but i will not let you disturb her while she is recovering... and i'm not about to interrupt Doctor Altiss's work for this either... and trust me--- you do not want to interrupt him with this. "
Dawn took another deep breath and gave Claire a firm star down with her gaze going from the usual sweet natured nurse. To one of icy steel, as she wasn't budging on the issue. She had an overbearing mother to--- and lord she felt bad for Tangle now.
" Your Daughter is an Adult Miss Grimrose, and of sound mind and body. If she doesn't want to see you right now, You should respect that... especially when you know she's ill, or injured... especially when you know she's resting and recovering. Yell at her later when she's recovered, have this argument with her when she's well and mentally prepared. But--- i won't hesitate to throw you out of this facility if you cause a scene... are we clear? "
"Just make sure to move it along as quick as you can." Twist didn't expect the doctor to rush, though didn't want him dragging his feet either. For now the lemur would take a seat, sitting stern and with his arms crossed. Seems he wasn't one to let himself relax much if at all, though he did use to be a soldier himself and still had a strong mindset for it as well.
A few minutes would pass before another lemur wearing a business suit walked in looking rather annoyed as she walked over to Twist. They would seem to be having a quiet argument before she would make her way to the nurse. "Excuse me, my name is Claire Grimrose. Knowing my daughter I'm sure she requested none see her, though I am legally put as a health care proxy which I can enforce if I think she is making poor medical decision. So, why don't you hurry along and get the doctor so we can sort this out, yes?" She spoke with a rather sweet yet threatening tone.
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skyfallscotland · 3 days ago
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I don’t know if this is weird, but I don’t have many friends and I am weird, admittedly so…yolo, but this is just a diary post really of all the things on my mind right now.
• The response on ink & mistletoe was really lovely and I’m especially grateful for it while I’m still having a rough time.
• I really wanted to write more this week because I wanted to finish off ink & mistletoe and Truth & Talon before Onyx Storm comes out, but I have a migraine again and I’ve just been so exhausted it’s not happening, which sucks.
• I did start a new book though—my first of 2025—Just For the Summer by Abby Jimenez. One of my resolutions for the new year is to read more actual books, so I’m off to a start at least. One thing that wigged me out though, it’s first person past-tense? What the fuck is that, why are we doing that? My brain does not like.
• Speaking of Onyx Storm, should I start posting my theories now as I write them, or just save it for one big post a few days before?
• I’m still incredibly bothered by not only the continuing trend of oh surprise another special edition with content not available to you! But also mostly the response from other people to it, mostly Americans, because no one else is saying “no one’s making you buy them all” or “having choices is a good thing” because uhh *checks notes* we don’t? We just pay twice the amount of money you do for made-in-a-sweatshop, falling apart crap with less features.
• Also, just as an aside so you all are ready, I’m fairly certain there’s a special edition of Iron Flame coming…probably with bonus content. Someone asked if she was going to do one because it just had plain edges and she replied with a winking face. I’m going to say in Feb/March, and with dragon edges to match OS & the original FW print run. Call me Cassandra, idk.
• My (undiagnosed, I guess) OCD is getting worse, so if anyone has any tips or tricks for that throw them my way because seeing a psychiatrist in this town is not only the price of a small car, but almost impossible. Everyone’s books are closed, because we’re all a fucking mess apparently idk. They did say they had someone who might find me and my eclectic collection of mental illnesses “interesting” though, so I at least get to send my referral through 🙃
• Lastly, I am once again calling for people to stop drowning. If you come to Australia, please understand how rips work. If you’re not a strong swimmer, don’t swim anywhere there aren’t lifeguards. You are not as safe as you think you are, I promise you. Almost every day there’s been another drowning death that’s been entirely preventable and it’s infuriating, half the time there are kids involved. Don’t put your kids at risk for fuck’s sake. View the below if you’re curious (or coming here). I wouldn’t blame you if you couldn’t spot them from front on, most people can’t unless they grew up on the beach, but again, if you can’t that’s why you shouldn’t swim anywhere help can’t get to you. 31 people drowned in four weeks is madness when there are over 600 patrolled beaches in this country. And people worry about the wildlife, good lord.
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juniperskye · 4 hours ago
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You’re Not Alone In This.
Based on the following ask: @itzvenus04 Hotch is my comfort character, maybe it’s because he takes care of others and I like that especially when I take care of people all the time, I’m like Cinderella in my house like no joke, if I don’t do it, nobody will ever do it. Anyway, I was wondering if you could do like an Aaron x Diabetic reader fic, as I have diabetes and it’s extremely difficult and exhausting and love to maybe see that with a comfort character of mine. Like Aaron does anything and everything he can to understand the reader and the illness, like when the reader sugar is high or maybe low, taking care of doctor’s appointments, medication drop off, just putting effort in I just want to read something that could comfort me in that way because it’s exhausting being a diabetic and having no one bother to care about it or put effort in, I’m alone essentially - I really hope you like this babe! I did my best!
Aaron Hotchner x Diabetic! Fem Reader
Angst/Fluff
Word count: 1709
REQUESTS ARE OPEN - not edited - please be kind. Requests are open and feedback is welcome if it's constructive!
Warnings: My blog is 18+, minors DNI, some explicit language, reader has type 1 diabetes, mention of doctors and appointments, mention of medication/insulin management, no use of y/n, Fem reader, reader has no physical description – other than being a diabetic and having an insulin pump (worn tucked into their waistband or pocket) and an administration site located on their leg (there is mention of a site failure and relocation) as well as a sensor worn on the arm, reader is mentioned to work as well as being active in college courses (not full time), Hotch cares a lot, use of pet names, I think that’s everything – let me know if I missed any!
I do not consent to having my work translated or reposted to any other site. That being said I do not own the characters portrayed in this story.
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You were the type of person who couldn’t bear the thought of burdening others. As exhausting as it was, constantly doing things on your own and taking care of others, you did so without complaint because things needed to get done. It would be much easier to just do them as opposed to putting it on someone else, or worse, adding weight to their shoulders.
This growing sense of solitude grew when you began dating Aaron. It wasn’t that he made you feel alone, actually it was quite the opposite! Aaron was always reassuring you that he was by your side through it all, especially as your relationship progressed. But as things intensified, you couldn’t help but notice the sag in his shoulders, bags under his eyes, and the air of weariness he exuded. Aaron had an extremely difficult job, one that had taken far too much from him, so who were you to make his life any more difficult than it already was.
You did everything in your power to hide things from Aaron – just to keep from filling his plate with anymore worry. You would suffer in silence through the highs and lows of your mental health, the business from working full time and taking classes at the local college…and even more so, your physical health.
You had kept the fact that you had type one diabetes a secret from Aaron…not because you were embarrassed or because you didn’t trust him, it was simply because you knew he’d make it his mission to ensure that you were taken care of, ahead of everything else.
But that was the problem with dating a profiler. Aaron could see through the façade that were your replies of “things are good!” “I’m great.” “Classes are going well.” “I feel fine, just a little tired.” Aaron knew that there was something deeper, looming under the surface, something you weren’t telling him. So, two months into dating you’d had to come clean.
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“Sweetheart, I know something is wrong. I just wish you’d tell me so I can help you.” He’d beg.
“Aaron everything is fine I pro-”
“Please don’t say everything is fine…honey, you were basically lethargic the other day when we facetimed, and I was so worried about you.”
“I’m diabetic Aaron. That’s what was wrong. My sugar was low. But everything is fine.” You explained.
After that, Aaron made sure to keep a closer eye on you. Not so much that you’d feel suffocated or like he was babying you, but enough that he could tell if your sugar was too high or too low. Once Aaron found out you had type one diabetes, he dove into late night research sessions on what all your condition entails, how to best manage your insulin, what an appropriate level looks like, how to calculate your carb intake so the proper amount of insulin is being administered as well as how to change your site and how to use the pump.
The change in his behavior was subtle…but noticeable. Aaron started keeping small snacks or juice with him in the case of a sugar low, he also started checking in on you more frequently. When you moved in, the changes became far more obvious, Aaron was doing so much around the house – always doing the dishes, taking the trash out with him on his way to work, doing laundry on the weekends, setting up deliveries for your groceries. It was overwhelming to have someone this attentive.
“Aaron, I can do this!” You giggled as his arms snuck around you, pulling the vacuum from your grasp.
“I know you can sweetheart, but you don’t have to. I will.” He pressed a gentle kiss to your shoulder, encouraging you to go sit.
His overprotective nature didn’t surface until he witnessed a pretty intense low.
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The morning had started off normal, you’d skipped out on breakfast, which wasn’t unusual. You’d completed an assignment for school and taken your dog on a walk when you started to feel off. It had been a little bit warm outside, but with the way you were sweating, you knew that wasn’t it.
You managed to get back home, but not without feeling lightheaded. You reached down to unclip the dog’s leash, and that’s when Aaron caught it, your hands were shaking, so much so that you were struggling to open the clasp.
“Sweetheart, are you okay?”
“I uh, I feel a little…” You pressed the back of your hand to your forehead and with the other, steadied yourself on the entry table. “Can you – would you grab me some…some juice?”
“Yeah, honey why don’t you sit down.” Aaron quickly went to the kitchen and poured a glass of juice.
Aaron watched you insistently as you sipped the juice. He reached over to check your phone, to see if your numbers were starting to regulate. Taking note of the number beginning to rise, he sat next to you and rubbed soothing circles on your spine.
“Honey, did you eat breakfast this morning?” Aaron inquired.
“No, but I never eat breakfast Aar. When I do, my numbers usually end up to high and then I feel sick all day.” You huffed.
“Okay, we will figure it out. Maybe we should schedule an appointment with your doctor.” He suggested.
“It’s always been like this, it’s okay really.”
“I’ll schedule an appointment for you sweetheart.” He pressed a kiss to your temple.
Aaron was far more attentive with your illness, going with you to your doctor’s appointments, asking them how to avoid highs and lows, figuring out the best way to manage your insulin. He also began to monitor your medication, making sure you never ran out and that the pharmacy was processing your refills, when they got low.
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This day was not going the way you had hoped. Things had been super overwhelming, you had finals coming up for your classes and work had been particularly busy, truthfully you were exhausted. You’d been nauseas all day, your numbers elevated, despite your best efforts to lower them.
You had taken a break from studying to change the laundry when you heard Aaron get home.
“Hey baby!” Aaron pressed a kiss to the top of your head.
“Hi hon.” You mumbled.
Aaron knew you had been stressed out about school and work, you had put your finals dates on your shared calendar, and he figured that was taking its toll on you.
“Why don’t I make us some dinner? I can grill up some chicken?” He posed.
“Yeah, that sounds good. I can steam some broccoli to go with it.” You suggested.
“Perfect!” Aaron left you with a peck.
You’d finished up with the laundry and went to the kitchen, pulling out a water bottle from the fridge while you got started prepping the veggies.
Aaron glanced at you through the sliding door, he had noticed there were quite a few water bottles and cups scattered around the apartment, more than usual. He couldn’t help the bit of concern that crept in – you’d previously mentioned sugar highs sometimes came with unbearable thirst.
“Sweetheart, have you checked your number recently?” He asked.
“Yes, it’s been a little elevated today.”
“Are you feeling okay?”
“Yeah, a little nauseous but I’m fine.”
The two of you sat and ate dinner while talking about your days. You told Aaron about a new project at work and how you were more than ready for your finals to be over. He shared that he had consulted on a few cases today with some law enforcement from other states – hopefully they wouldn’t get called away this weekend.
After dinner you’d excused yourself to the restroom and Aaron cleared up the table, placing the leftovers in the fridge. He made his way to your shared bedroom and softly knocked on the bathroom door.
“Baby, is everything okay?”
“Aar, I’m fine.” You sighed.
“Would you let me in? Maybe I can help.” He offered.
“I don’t need help – Shit!” You hissed.
With that Aaron let himself in the bathroom, worried that you were hurt.
“What’s wrong?”
“I think there’s something wrong with my site.” You were fiddling with the site attached to your leg.
“Honey, why don’t we change it out, I can help.” Aaron moved to grab everything you’d need for your new site. “Is your sensor good still?”
“I think so.”
“Okay, go lay on the bed.” He commanded gently.
You went to lay on the bed, sliding your sweats off, carefully moving your pump to lay beside you on the bed. Aaron made his way over to you with the new injection set. He assisted you in removing the old one and placing the new one, taking note of the needle being bent slightly.
“Sweetheart, I think this is why you’ve been high all day. Your insulin wasn’t injecting properly.”
“Ugh. Stupid thing! Let’s just put in the new one so I can get this all sorted out.” You stressed.
You had tears in your eyes. Not from the pain of the needle entering your skin, or the sick feeling you’ve endured all day…but from the fact that you don’t get to have a normal day that’s carefree. Aaron has taken so much off your plate by being especially helpful with day-to-day things, but this feels like too much and you feel so alone in your illness.
“Alright honey, you’re all set.” Aaron began cleaning up all the trash from the new injection set.
“Thank you.”
“Hey sweetheart…” Aaron began. “I know that I will never be able to fully understand, but I want you to know that I’m here for you. I want to help you in anyway I can, whether it’s changing your site for you, doing the dishes after a long day, or even just to give you a hug.”
Your tears were falling freely at his confession. You had never felt so seen, so weightless, so supported. You let your head fall back and your shoulders finally relaxed.
 “I love you so much. You have no idea how much that means to me Aaron.” You wrapped your arms around his middle.
“I love you too sweet girl.” Aarons arms enveloped you as his lips connect with your forehead.
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luckheist · 2 years ago
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y'know what's gross ?
seeing people use SCHIZO as an insult . people want to preach about being accepting of mental illnesses and trying to erase stigma ... but then throw around a term that's considered by most people with some form of schizophrenia to be a slur .
as someone who has schizoaffective disorder and suffers from what psychiatrists consider a form of schizophrenia , it makes me physically ill every time i see this and really shows me who is and who isn't a safe person for someone like me to interact with .
the only people who should be using this term are those trying to reclaim it . for me to say "my schizo brain won't let me find words" or other things like that is different from people without the disorder saying " xyz is schizo and crazy and needs to be locked up " .
what you're doing by saying that is showing that you believe people with severe mental illnesses should be taken out of society and locked in asylums or prisons or wherever else so they're out of sight and out of mind .
it's really upsetting to see and i'll be blocking from here on out if it's on my dash . i already feel shitty enough about friends and family having to deal with my worst days , i don't need random assholes on the internet making it worse .
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kyouka-supremacy · 10 months ago
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Mmmhh...
#(Basically rant on my last two posts)#I know I've said it before and sorry for coming off as annoying–#but I really wish we still had a central bsd blog on Tumblr like fy-bungoustraydogs or bsd-central or things of the kind.#I think now everyone rushes to post news first. And although there's merit to it in knowing news as soon as they happen‚#in the long run the death of this kind of central official content ***fan*** blogs is such a huge loss of fandom spaces‚#especially for the archiving purposes they solved. Especially today that T/witter and G/oogle have basically become unusable.#Literally. Literally. I've been doing official content archiving since I was 11#(because that's the very specific kind of mental illness I have)#and let me tell you that the quality of web search and especially reverse image search only got worse–#in a way that is very evident and noticeable. Which is crazy tbh and not how things should work.#If anyone would like to start a bsd-central kind of blog I'll be the first one to follow.#Actually if anyone actually wants to establish it feel free to contact me and I'll be more than happy to share the resources I have!!!!#It just needs to be something multi-modded for a series of reasons I won't get into right now#I just can't personally do it (not as main admin at least) because that would be modding my FIFTH active bsd blog–#and that's a little too much even for me.#On top of some ethical concerns I have regarding whether it'd be fair for me to mod a fandom central bsd blog–#when I feel like I can't genuinely share the same amount of love for the franchise other fans share#On top of. You know. Getting a degree eventually hopefully.#Then years after the blog has been solidly enstablished and aquired enough credibility it could even open a free donations found to invest–#in buying and scanning and releasing bsd content that hasn't been shared yet like the guidebooks or illustration books or everything else–#for everyone to see...#The dream. (Is realistically never going to happen) (Won't stop me from daydreaming about it every day)#((Still salty I couldn't afford the guidebooks only due to the shipment prices. I *would* have scanned and uploaded them.))#That was a long and idealistic rant. Kyotag out#Edit: *Modding my SIXTH bsd blog#Apparently I mod so many blogs I lost count of them
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edge-oftheworld · 4 months ago
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one thing I love about following celebrities/artists who are honest and proactive about their mental health struggles etc is I can’t count the number of times someone I know is going through something and I’m like ‘I’ve got a song for u’ and how much of my life involves telling myself ‘if [redacted] can do something/get better/etc then so can i’ (and having actual real evidence of it in front of me) and I can’t understate how much I appreciate these things.
but at the same time it involves a whole lot of watching people I care about suffer and you learn to read the signs and infer between the lines in songs and interviews, and yes we can never fully know what they don’t share with us, but when they do share things it’s not a big stretch to be like ‘this seems like it’s what life is like for you and I have taken encouragement from it but you deserve so much better’. and it’s easy to find ways to get angry at a predatory industry and realise things that could be hurtful if you’re already fragile.
and we can advocate for some things and help ourselves and the people around us feel better but it’s hard to meaningfully reach your faves as an individual. and there are things we can’t say on the internet in too much detail, speculation becomes the harmful kind of gossip, and so sometimes it’s a whole lot of internally saying ‘you’re doing incredibly well to have gotten to where you are but I wish for your sake things would get better faster’
#curse and catch 22 (not the song)#I didn’t mean to make this so anonymous as a post but maybe. it’s applicable to a lot of artists. I don’t know#just thinking about how sometimes someone will say something and it’s like ‘oh honey’ if you can see. why they might be saying it#like a glimpse into the top of an iceberg that makes a lot of sense to be there given other things they do and talk about#I feel like we’re in a unique position as a fandom with the way all four of them have been so vulnerable in different ways#and they may not be perfect but imo no one deserves to suffer like that especially for an extended amount of time. but the thing is#sometimes the fans are suffering and so are our faves and people appreciate the relatability and don’t have any basic compassion#or ability to see past their own struggles. with this fandom especially compared to a lot of others I’ve been in and I think I know why#but in the end the way I see it we’ve gotten so much relatable content and encouragement (bc the Finding The Positives Vibes which are ther#and sometimes there’s nothing we can give back apart from being a part of systemic change which all of us deserve for ourselves too#idk if this band is unique in this or I just find them more relatable personally and thus easier to see how hard they’ve worked#on themselves and taking risks in order to be honest. and it reminds me of the quote about how suffering won’t make your art better#healing will. and so imo anyone whose art is really good when they are going through a lot has me thinking. imagine what it’d be like#when life isn’t so hard for you?? or when you’re getting better but it just takes a long time I’m like. you deserve to feel better faster#this all said I’m incredibly proud and I’m not trying to insinuate there’s anything catastrophic going on bc there absolutely isnt#I am not in any way worried. I’ve seen tragedies about to happen and these guys show none of the signs. but I do relate to a lot of tidbits#pertaining to. certain chronic mental illnesses and/or being neurodivergent in an unaccommodating world (don’t ask which)#things I would anticipate would be a lot harder when there’s hordes of often fickle occasionally predatory fans to contend with#sometimes I just think of this idk#celebrities are people#5 seconds of summer#5sos#5sos fandom#cw mental health things
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diseaseriddencube · 1 year ago
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tempted to make one of those old style theory posts where every character secretly represents a mental illness owoooouughg spookyyyyy
but for the akudama
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ourladyoftheflytrap · 1 year ago
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It's fucked up that the sober population straight up ignores how a huge portion of addicts have chronic illnesses
#was thinking about my stepdad and his plethora of health issues and how they shape his life#and then i thought about sewercentipede and Then i thought about the huge population of bipolar people who are alcoholics#and then after all that i thought about a convo i had with a straight edge friend who was like 'using illegal drugs Should result in jail#time because they could just Not do those drugs. they do it just for fun'#like i understand where he is coming from but i literally think he is wrong af.#i think the people who do drugs (esp hard drugs) recreationally are outnumbered 2 to 1 by people who#are self medicating with illegal drugs. i think most people totally ignore how chronic illnesses#and severe mental illnesses can hurt you on a profound level and because they dont know about that suffering#they do not understand the urge to numb that pain. and people have no sympathy for what they dont understand#lately im so bothered by people who share their opinions with me about complicated issues but clearly havent ever done any research on them#everyone thinks their opinion is so smart and special and no one is studying#especially not studying human behavior. most people think that socialization and political topics are a fucking joke#with 0 relevance to their personal lives. like no one is ever going to be truly informed about All the things#and i know i certainly am not but it is so annoying to speak with people who make no effort at all to learn about a subject#before they try and tell people the business about it. like that guy. his only understanding of drug use#comes from his own relationship to alcohol. but he was not an alcoholic he was just a perv who decided to go christian#like its so egotistical to assume that your experience and emotions can apply to everyone and yet he is not the only guy i know#who has no interest in any perspective other than his own but thinks his perspective is well informed#im sure women piss me off with this behavior too its just that atm i can only think of examples of men acting like this
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seafoam-taide · 5 months ago
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You know I thought for awhile that I was just a rare type of person who sure, liked people well enough but was okay being alone didn't necessarily need anyone and NO. NO. NO. OH MY GOD . YOU GIANT DUMBASS. NO HAHAHA NOOO NOPE
#tide of consciousness#See what was confusing me is usually when people talk about life partner they mean romantically sexually#And also I have yet to meet someone who gets me in the way I want someone to get me <- I think <- good chance I have and squandered it#<- that may be the evil brain talking though#But anyway so I was misconstruing the fact that the people I know and like currently are not people I want to spend my life with#With the idea that there is no one and no chance I will ever want that#And also heteronormative allo society despite my best efforts Is in my brain#And I'm only just realizing how badly I would really like to find a person or maybe people who do make me feel like. I could want that#The idea that there could be someone out there that I would want to spend my time and space with forever is mind blowing#Because honestly and this is of course the mental illness but I have kind of been under the assumption that maybe I am just like. Weeell#Evil and broken and cruel and selfish and HAHA. you know. The usual#Because you know only recently I got my first taste of 'a person is actively choosing you and wants you over all things'#And then I fucked that up because that was my first time believing anyone could care about me and you know you always fuck that one up#And that sucked and is still in the process of sucking but it has also made me realize#That there is actually a way that I would want that. Maybe#Like in a way that worked. I'd really like to have a person like that maybe#And honestly that's a nightmare to have to realize#Because before it was like hey! I guess I just don't have to worry about that!#And now I'm like FUCK. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS#because special secret I've never actively tried to connect to people in my life ever#I don't know how you do that! I don't know how to actively form relationships!#I just wait for someone to grab me and pull me along! It's terrifying to think about trying to discover that#AT 20!#I know it's not unusual especially in this day and age in fact it's kind of an epidemic#But you're supposed to learn how to socialize when you're a little tiny baby!!! I don't want to figure this out now I can't even get a job!#Fucking shit that's a lot of words um#Every 6 months I remember that I'm deeply deeply deeply lonely and it's the worst and then I wilfully ignore it until I rediscover it again#Every day I discover a new layer to how utterly wretchedly self loathing my brain is and its the worst#Peeling back a layer of paint and surprise! You've subconsciously thought you were fine being alone because secretly you believe#That it is impossible for you to be anything but alone! Yay!
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agentemo · 9 months ago
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i have borderline personality disorder and i will not be showing you receipts
i deserve empathy for my disorder, not hatred or fear or demonization
i also don't expect a romantic partner to put up with my worst parts if they can't handle it, as much as that hurts to say and experience
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katyspersonal · 1 year ago
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I used to take meds back then from autumn 2018 to autumn 2019. They were helping with paranoia, hyperactivity, impulsivity, anger issues, delusions, panic attacks, etc, you get the drill. They had good effects, such as me having been rather calm (to the point people were joking about how nothing could ever anger or scare me, lol), as well as more focused on writing or drawing things more than I've ever been in my life. But also they've made me so sleepy that I basically barely finished my last uni year when dozing off at every class, and I had a hard time providing the engaged, invested, "nerdy" conversations on every other topic like I do. I just quit them because not only being sleepy ALL the time would not let me work a job normally, but I also started to worry that I've been losing myself as a person. I was just so... detached and boring in conversations while medicated? Like you guys here know me as a person who is chronically like this:
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But when I was medicated, it was far not this way. I was giving like... kinda tame and normie responses and thoughts, still excited but not TOO excited, etc. I am surprised that even while being a total slug on meds, I still had it in me to start fearing of losing my "eyes on the inside" xd
But I've been just thinking about stuff recently. I still loathe it when it is being handled like "you are a dangerous harmful monster that doesn't deserve compassion and trust and should be exciled from society", obvs, but the problem itself exists. I am kinda too intense, too much, too impulsive, my mood can drastically flicker within a second and flicker back just as fast. And I am paranoid. This year I even exhausted another paranoid person with being worse at it than them :/ (it always reminds me of a dream I had once, where Mic0lash of all people told me that I was "too crazy" for him fdshfh xD) I am extremely blessed to have friends and simply familiar people who accept and love me the way I am, but I am really starting to think that maybe I should delve back into it. That maybe something was wrong with the meds or the dose I used to be taking and I should try again. It is just really strange that being healthier would be able to "ruin" my passionate, nerdy, engaged personality. I've always been 'over the top' with how I think and with my creativity, even before any mental illness showed up, so sure it is just me and not any sort of positive symptom...? Like, clearly this is just my autism, not one of those other "mental illness" guys?
Well, all this talk is just in the scenario if I get enough financial stability to be able to afford monthly repackaging of meds. I am just having second thoughts on whether it is really a choice with no good option, and that maybe that previous doctor just made a mistake with prescriptions (could happen with anyone, even a professional). Or maybe I needed to demand trying something else but didn't. And I just assumed that "meds are a diabolic device to destroy a creative, nonconforming brain" (notice how it itself sounds a bit like a paranoid delusion, so clearly those meds were not quite helping with it lol). Not gonna lie, I am still scared that being calmer will kill the "real me", but at this point pain, paranoia and anger keep chopping away from my days and from my good experiences. And I can't control it.
But maybe I just should not have expected to hit the right way instantly, some people try out different meds for years before they find something that genuinely makes life better. Like maybe I got scared of how things have changed and gave up too soon, when I should have like, bugged doctor to try something else. I just want to believe that I don't have to choose between "being nerdy and engaged" and "stopping having panic/anger attacks that quite literally make me lose my mind". At least I gather enough optimism and benefit of the doubt to consider delving into it again, so there is something..
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forgotten-daydreamer · 9 months ago
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one day people will stop saying they have bpd just because they get "irrationally angry sometimes", but that day is not today, unfortunately for us all.
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isakaru · 1 year ago
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a core tenet of my beliefs is that people deserve basic kindness and respect regardless of how rude or annoying or obnoxious they are. if the most obnoxious person i know told me they couldnt afford food and i had the money for it you bet your ass im gonna buy them some food
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creaturebehavior · 2 years ago
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here’s how i arrived back to the conclusion that i probably am autistic: always thinking to myself damn for someone who’s not autistic i sure am autistic as hell
#i’m being silly in this post but in all seriousness i have been coming to terms with my symptoms and all the comorbidity#and that getting a diagnosis when you’ve got a whole bunch of stuff going on with your brain is like throwing diagnoses at the wall and seei#*seeing what sticks#like more than anything i am familiar with my symptoms#and i have reached a point in my life where i’ve stopped telling myself it’s impossible to be diagnosed with bpd and be autistic at the same#time.#And i very much believe that me being undiagnosed autistic or having undiagnosed adhd has been possibly one of the causes of me developing b#**developing bpd to begin with.#unless the bpd was also genetic.#cuz my dad’s side of the family is very similarly mentally ill.#but yeah i also believe my brother is autistic of has adhd#**or has#and he’s not the type of person who even wants to address his problems he’d rather not think about it or not go there#but he came to me recently and said he thinks he maybe had adhd#which i have always thought we’re probably both on the spectrum or have adhd. i was like dude i believe you and i know what ur talking abt#When i was 18 my dad came to me and told me he thinks I might be undiagnosed autistic and initially i didn’t know what to make of it#he thinks my brother is too but my brother is more closed off about mental health and is especially closed off to our dad#so he never mentioned it to him#but yeah it’s been 9 years of me wondering in the back of my mind i if i’m on the spectrum or have adhd or what#i used to wholeheartedly believe and say i was autistic in my early adulthood#but things get so confusing and muddled along the way especially when you’re getting treatment for other things#like i was in treatment for addiction and they don’t specialize in autism diagnosing ya know what i mean#although once my therapist did offer to finally help me seek out a diagnosis but it would have been incredibly expensive#so my dad said no when she said she had a place she could refer me to#So anyway. It’s a long journey. But what sticks and what resonates with me is i believe i’m autistic or something#and i know for sure i have BPD and am relieved to have received that diagnosis because i always also felt like i had that too#and i really believe it’s both. and i don’t think i’m making things up or faking it#i am open to finding out the truth. but i also am aware that diagnosing someone can be tricky when there’s a lot happening at once#like if it were easy to know i would know by now#it’s a literal guessing game even for professionals i’m just saying. that’s my experience
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tittysuckersworld · 2 months ago
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vent tw, if you have depression please please just dont interact-
#ok so. to preface this for anyone with depression going past this point. im not gonna be nice. this isnt about you#this isnt about you in particular or how your secretly constantly a burden to everyone you love or how you just cant get it right#its not about having to deal with a person with depression but more how the social climate has made it so its so hard to deal with every#thing. thats all. if you read more do not blame me for feeling bad.#that was your only and last warning#okay so! now that hopefully all my homies with depression out there are ok- it is hard being surrounded by people with depression#sorry like. i am the only one in my imediate family without depression. and its. its hard a lot#like i care so much about these people and yet i cant help them because their either sad or tired or angry or numb most of the time#and i cant do anything. i cant do anything at all. and thats fucked!!!!! i think. sorry i am not one for curing mental illness but i really#really wish there was just a cure for depression so the people i care about could be happy and have energy and be ok#i dont want to constantly worry in the back of my head if what ill say next will lead them to going quiet and sad#or worry about how a few too many wrong moves and a hard time could push them off the edge. i know it wont happen.#but i worry about it constantly especially with the political climate#and i care for them so much and i just wish they could feel happy most of the time. just more than half is enough. more than half#gosh its gotten to the point a sertain tone of voice or someone saying their tired can make me feel bad#like bad enough i need to leave the room and go cry. everyone is alwase tired and i dont know what to do#i feel like a little kid being so sensitive by others emotions- but i cant help it. i cant help it when im surrounded#again this isnt a bash against anyone with depression. this is a bash against depression because of all the pain its given my loved ones#if i could fight depression as a just. thing i would mawl it alive. tooth and nail til all that was left was either bones. cartalige.#blood and flesh that hadent somehow made it into my stomach. and id keep it alive for a long as i could as i killed it#it would suffer 10 times the amount its made others suffer if i could. i can be a cruel bitch and i will if i ever got the chance.#and u h ya! sorry lil bit of silly moment i am just. sick of the tired. if i could id honestly never hear the phrase im tired again
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crenandos · 5 months ago
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Aaaaaaaaaa fuuuuuuuuuck
Giiiiirrlllsss
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